Giving names to pieces of instrumental music is always a tricky thing. Usually the aim is to evoke some feeling or emotion from the choice of words. Sometimes, though, in the process of coming up with a hopefully memorable name for a piece of music that has no lyrical content to guide the ear, the writer comes up with something that can only be called “contrived”… and that’s if you’re being kind.

Join us tonight for eight tracks with titles so incredibly cumbersome and awkward that I have no choice but to provide you all with a cheat sheet:

  1. Theme From “As Long As It Doesn’t Go All Hindenburg On Ya”, by Mercaptan
  2. I Remember The Moment So Clearly That I May Not Have Been There, by ontol
  3. Stuck Inside The Spaceport at 3AM With No Penny for the Pisspot Blues, by Cousin Silas
  4. Introduction: Love, Loss, Redemption and the Proclamation of the Seven Last Words, by Scott Lawlor
  5. And I Shall Rid Myself Of All Outer Vestments As I Journey To Become One With Zeus, by Lunar Navigational Systems
  6. When Large Hadrons Collide 6 (The Annihilation of Spacetime back into the Moment When Spacetime Began), by Plexus
  7. Not Able To Remove The Fun From Self-Mutilating Taboo Desires In This Ecology Of Idyllic Political Sanctimoniousness, by Wings Of An Angel & Scott Lawlor

and, of course,

  1. The Angels Of Heaven Descend To Chew Enthusiastically Upon The Northeast Corner Of The Chrysler Building (Slight Return), by mind6Spiral (Mike Metlay and Tim Walters)

These eight examples of exceptionally gratuitous verbosity will be preceded by the show’s very popular new theme song, “Three Minutes And Twenty-Two Seconds Of Instrumental Electronic Composition Carefully Mixed With Field Recordings Of Trains And Street Noise In Berlin With The Intent Of Evoking The Atmosphere Of A Casual Evening Stroll Set To Music”, and followed by a Live Ambient Rant that will be so utterly honorificabilitudinitatibus in its sesquipedalian logorrhea that the hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobic members of the audience will be forced into immediate floccinaucinihilipilification.

Be there at 8/7/6/5 PM E/C/M/PDT, and bring your thesaurus.

%d bloggers like this: